Supermom I am not..

I had my first child at 18, but I'd been helping with children since I was able to cook (about 6-8yrs of age).

When I had Khassie, I thought everything had to be a certain way, I was so uptight that I couldn't breathe unless it was handed to me. She had to be clean, she had to be bathed 20 times a week, she had to wear clean/no stained clothes, I am telling you I had OCD to the fullest effect.
I was a first time mom, and I felt that if I didn't do everything just right, her world would come apart. and that I would be a failure as a Mother.

I had Malachi, and it just got worse. I must've bathed him 50 times by the time he was a week old. I made sure his whites were snow white, I made sure he was fed 5 times a day (newborn-5mths old), I made sure everything in and around him was spotless. Okay, so I had a major case of OCD, but I didn't know it.

I had Steven, and after a month in the NICU, 2 close calls with Death, and being told his immune system was "Failing" him, I realized really quickly that my OCD was a good thing, at least this time around. Well, after he got the clear from the Doctors to be around " A little bit of germs." I let go a little, very little, but still.

Kegan, well let's just say I learned my lesson. Children/Babies will get dirty, they will fall down and scrap their knees, but I did everything I could to make sure this didn't happen.

You'd think after 3 boys, I'd know that "Boys will be boys" wasn't just a motto.

Nope, not me. Michael was born, and my OCD " SuperMom Syndrome" kicked into high gear.

I made sure that our house was free of any germs that could get him sick, I dusted like 30 times a day, I did every dish in the house 3 times in one day, I cleaned every nook and cranny of everything in our house, I went on a cleaning spree, not just once a week, but this was everyday, in between breastfeeding, doctors appointments, wic, and trying to handle a newborn with slepping issues (1hr a night), talk about the walking Dead woman?!?!

I looked like death warmed over. But, my child's life was clean, almost too clean to be honest.

Then I relaxed, just a wee bit when my heart told me to slow down or it was going to give up on me.

I was stressed, I was cranky, I was on the brink of a mental breakdown....

then I got pregnant with Hunter.


Oh boy, OCD, Sleep Apena, BPD, Bipolar and PREGNANT.. A combo that wasn't save for me, nor those around me.

Talk about a walking talking clean freak that had major mood swings??


I had several months of bedrest, HA!! I laughed in my doctors face " Me, relax, are you joking? I have 2 houses to care for, a 2 yr old with Special needs, and I have issues with being on my butt too long."

I was told " Relax or have a baby at 32 weeks."

Didn't like that idea, so I gave in. I started to ask for help, from Mike, my dad, Rosie, whoever was willing to help, I let them.

Hunter came into the world, and my OCD wasn't as much of a problem. He was a boy, he was going to get sick sooner or later, he wasn't going to be perfect, nor did I have to pretend to be the Perfect Mom.

6 kdis later, I am still OCD'in it.

I still have a tantrum if there is just the slightest bit of dust ANYWHERE in my house, I have a meltdown if the boys get bumps/bruises from playing around, I try to protect them from getting hurt, I have child proofed this apartment like you'd not believe (I went as far as to check into padding for their floors/walls), just so they won't hurt themselves.

And my stress level? Out of this world!!

I am walking around on egg shells worried to death that something is giong to go wrong, even though I know they are boys, they're going fall, they are healthy, well adjusted boys, and I need to chill on the whole " SuperMom" thing.


I have a guy here that is willing to help, but I've been doing this single mom thing for so long, I've all but forgotten how to allow someone else to help. I still believe I have to do everything, that if I don't, the whole world will fall apart, and you know what? It WON'T! I just need to realize this, before it's to late.

I see people that try and do it all, and they are stressed out, they are cranky, and they have more luggage under their eyes than Greyhound sees in 2 months (I am one of those people).

I still keep my house clean, I still keep my children clean, But I DO NOT HAVE TO BE SUPERMOM/WOMAN anymore.. It's not the end of the world if my house looks lived in, if I have a little dust on my floor, if there is a dirty dish in the sink, as long as my BOYS are happy, I am all good..