A lesson..

I'm Adopted.

What does being Adopted mean to me?

Simple, it means I am doubly loved/cared for/wanted.

My Stepdad met my mother wayy before I was even thought of, and they had this "love from a distance" thing until my mother was a mother herself. My dad didn't want "No damn child for a wife."(his exact words).

My Dad was there too.

Ever see the show "My two Dads"? Well, I lived her life. Except my dads didn't live in the same house, well not until I was a little older.

I spent most of my childhood with one or the other, or sometimes both (Birthdays, Christmas, etc). I loved it.

With my Dad Willie, I was raised in the Country. I was taught how to be a Country Girl. I was taught how to live off the land.

With my Dad Tom, I was raised in the EMU area. I had my eyes opened early in life to the whole "Other side of the world" as I called it. I was taught to love people no matter who they were, how they were, and that if I was going to judge, to make sure I at least had good reasons (which there weren't any).

Along with having 2 dads I had 2 different families.

I had Country/City people in both groups.

I was raised to be very diverse in my lifestyle choices.

When I got older, this came in handy majorly.

Some have been very judgemental of my mother for allowing me to be raised near some of the childhood friends I had, they blame her for my being the way I am. And you know what? I love her for it. I love her for having the sense enough to know that I needed to "Think outside the box" and opening my eyes to every walk of life, from a very early age.


Now, don't get me wrong, being raised the way I was has caused alot of issues in relationships, some closed minded morons I have called SO's/Fiancees had no clue what they were talking about, so I walked. Some told me I wasn't "right in the head" for thinking the way I do, but you know what?? I don't care. I love people for who they are, not what they are.

Being adopted has taught me how to be open to everyone that comes into my life.


My Dad Willie always taught me " There isn't such a thing as a Stranger, just a friend we've not made yet." Guess that is why I can make friends so easily, why I am so open with people in my life, those who come into my life are Friends, no matter who they are, what they have/don't have, what they are, how the chose to live their life, and so on.

Take Mike for example.

To people, Mike wasn't "right" for me.

Here I was a mom of 4 kids, divorced, and just had my stuff in line to make a new start.

He was a 21 yr old McDonald worker, who lived with his Aunt, hung out till all hours of the night, and didn't seem "right" to those I knew.

To me he was 21 but acting more mature than most men my age.
He was a hardworker, he had dreams, he had a life, he was the life of the party, no matter where he went, he always made people laugh/think.

To me, he was perfect.

There was a few extra qualities to him, but I loved it. I was tired of the stiff necked morons I had been with in the year after my Divorce. Those who had their head so far in the clouds, they'd drown if it rained.

Put us together, and you had the perfect completion.

I was the Yin to his Yang. He was the Yang to my Yin. We completed/complimented each other.

I had the people skills, he had the organizing skills. I had the understanding of "some people" he had the ability to make me rethink my thoughts on people.

Over the four years we were married, we both taught each other many things.

I taught him to love, he taught me to laugh.

So, you see I married the perfect match for me, not the one everyone thought I was "worthy" of.


I know my Dad Willie liked Mike, and at the time that was the only one I was worried about.

When Mike died, my Dad willie paid a pretty penny to have my husbands funeral.

I got upset because all Mike wanted was " Cremate me and bury my ashes with my Dad." Not some drawn out funeral, but I did it for the boys, and for his Great Grandpa.

Now, if I am adopted, how did I lose touch with my Dad Toms side of the family? Simple, life happens.

It wasn't purposely done, I promise you that. It just happened.


The last time I saw most of Toms side of the family, I was in my early teens.


Last time I saw Tom? To be honest, I can't really remember I am pretty sure it was after I had Malachi (98), so don't ask me..lol

My Dads have 6 grandbabies, just one of them got to see them and the other didn't.

It is because I am adopted I have taken on the motto " It takes more than DNA to make a family."

I have Aunts, Uncles, Cousins 2nd Cousins and they are all family to me, no matter whether or not we share the same bloodline or not.

There is a lesson in my life, and only those who have been where I am can understand it.

So never Judge a book by its cover, the story inside may shock you..

One Year

365 days

12 months

However you want to look at it, a year isn't really that long at all..

I have learned this the hardway.

I have learned that in one year, a person can grow, change, and even mature beyond their own dreams.

I have learned that in a year a person can outgrow some of their old ways, learn new ones, and even shed a few tears.

I have learned that in a year a person can turn around and be right where they were the previous year, if only they choose too.

I have learned that in a year a person can learn what the true meaning of the word "Blessed" is.

I have learned that when given no other choice, a person, in a year, can become one of the strongest people in the world (next to Superman of course)..

I have learned all of these things, because in one year, 365days, 12 months, I've done them all, or at least some or the others.. However you wish to look at it.

In a year I have learned, I've loved, I've lost, I've spun around in circles til I couldn't see straight, and came out a new person in the end.

I've learned in one year, I have grown to become the strong, independent woman I am today.

I've learned that "my blessings" come from within my own life, not always the outside world.

I've learned that letting go is the only way at times.

I've learned that just because you want something/one, that doesn't mean you should have them/it.

I've learned alot this past year. I have learned that I am alot stronger than I give myself credit for. That I can in fact give up my old ways, and "teach an old dog new tricks" (so to speak)..

I'm learning the true meaning of being "myself" if for no other reason than I haven't a choice.

I've learned that the old me is dead, the new me is just starting shine through.

Tonight as I lay my head down, I will reflect not on the past, but my present and the future of my life.

I will not dwell on the past anymore. I'm moving forward, moving on, and upward..

I will remember always, but I will not have to dwell any longer..

Supermom I am not..

I had my first child at 18, but I'd been helping with children since I was able to cook (about 6-8yrs of age).

When I had Khassie, I thought everything had to be a certain way, I was so uptight that I couldn't breathe unless it was handed to me. She had to be clean, she had to be bathed 20 times a week, she had to wear clean/no stained clothes, I am telling you I had OCD to the fullest effect.
I was a first time mom, and I felt that if I didn't do everything just right, her world would come apart. and that I would be a failure as a Mother.

I had Malachi, and it just got worse. I must've bathed him 50 times by the time he was a week old. I made sure his whites were snow white, I made sure he was fed 5 times a day (newborn-5mths old), I made sure everything in and around him was spotless. Okay, so I had a major case of OCD, but I didn't know it.

I had Steven, and after a month in the NICU, 2 close calls with Death, and being told his immune system was "Failing" him, I realized really quickly that my OCD was a good thing, at least this time around. Well, after he got the clear from the Doctors to be around " A little bit of germs." I let go a little, very little, but still.

Kegan, well let's just say I learned my lesson. Children/Babies will get dirty, they will fall down and scrap their knees, but I did everything I could to make sure this didn't happen.

You'd think after 3 boys, I'd know that "Boys will be boys" wasn't just a motto.

Nope, not me. Michael was born, and my OCD " SuperMom Syndrome" kicked into high gear.

I made sure that our house was free of any germs that could get him sick, I dusted like 30 times a day, I did every dish in the house 3 times in one day, I cleaned every nook and cranny of everything in our house, I went on a cleaning spree, not just once a week, but this was everyday, in between breastfeeding, doctors appointments, wic, and trying to handle a newborn with slepping issues (1hr a night), talk about the walking Dead woman?!?!

I looked like death warmed over. But, my child's life was clean, almost too clean to be honest.

Then I relaxed, just a wee bit when my heart told me to slow down or it was going to give up on me.

I was stressed, I was cranky, I was on the brink of a mental breakdown....

then I got pregnant with Hunter.


Oh boy, OCD, Sleep Apena, BPD, Bipolar and PREGNANT.. A combo that wasn't save for me, nor those around me.

Talk about a walking talking clean freak that had major mood swings??


I had several months of bedrest, HA!! I laughed in my doctors face " Me, relax, are you joking? I have 2 houses to care for, a 2 yr old with Special needs, and I have issues with being on my butt too long."

I was told " Relax or have a baby at 32 weeks."

Didn't like that idea, so I gave in. I started to ask for help, from Mike, my dad, Rosie, whoever was willing to help, I let them.

Hunter came into the world, and my OCD wasn't as much of a problem. He was a boy, he was going to get sick sooner or later, he wasn't going to be perfect, nor did I have to pretend to be the Perfect Mom.

6 kdis later, I am still OCD'in it.

I still have a tantrum if there is just the slightest bit of dust ANYWHERE in my house, I have a meltdown if the boys get bumps/bruises from playing around, I try to protect them from getting hurt, I have child proofed this apartment like you'd not believe (I went as far as to check into padding for their floors/walls), just so they won't hurt themselves.

And my stress level? Out of this world!!

I am walking around on egg shells worried to death that something is giong to go wrong, even though I know they are boys, they're going fall, they are healthy, well adjusted boys, and I need to chill on the whole " SuperMom" thing.


I have a guy here that is willing to help, but I've been doing this single mom thing for so long, I've all but forgotten how to allow someone else to help. I still believe I have to do everything, that if I don't, the whole world will fall apart, and you know what? It WON'T! I just need to realize this, before it's to late.

I see people that try and do it all, and they are stressed out, they are cranky, and they have more luggage under their eyes than Greyhound sees in 2 months (I am one of those people).

I still keep my house clean, I still keep my children clean, But I DO NOT HAVE TO BE SUPERMOM/WOMAN anymore.. It's not the end of the world if my house looks lived in, if I have a little dust on my floor, if there is a dirty dish in the sink, as long as my BOYS are happy, I am all good..

A proud mama moment.

I was supposed to post this last night, but Family night took over and I fell asleep with my boys in my arms.

Now, for those of you who haven't been following the "Life of Michael Paul" for the past 4 yrs, let me catch you up to date on things.

Newborn- Congential Pneumonia, Enlarged heart/Lungs, Asthma, and a descending "Male part". Yeah my baby was all kinds of sick when he was born.

12mths (1 yr) goes in and gets his MMR, Polio, and a few other shots.

15mths, Insurance is cancelled the day before we are supposed to take him in for a well baby check up.

18mths, Insurance is back on so we take him in to get "3 shots" and be done with them until he is 2 yrs old.

20mths old, I start to realize that my "Healthy baby" is starting to slur his words, his vocab has went from 35 words/phrases back to that of a 10mth old (babbling).

21mths old, after 3 weeks on the phone with ISD/Lyle Torrant they FINALLY get out to do a checkup on Michael.

22mths old, we are told " Michael may have speech delays."
(well DUH I knew that, but thanks for telling me.)

24mths (2yrs), we are told ' It's called SLI."
Hmm wth is that and how did he get it?

Speech and Language Impairment.

Oh, and we are also told " He has Autisitc Like behaviors."

Huh?? "Autistic Like meaning what?"

He may have Autism, we're not sure.

Talk about wanting to slap someone so hard their brain falls out their head!


3yrs old, Michael Sr passes away. Michael loses his daddy 2 days after Thanksgiving.

3.5yrs old, he is placed in Regular Classes at Lincoln with 2 of the best teachers I've met.

He is now 4yrs old, and I was given the Diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome with Speech Delays by his Peditrican at the age of 28mths old.

As I said, this boy use to have a vocabulary that would put me to shame.

I've been working really hard with him to say his name correctly " Minael Paul" just wasn't cutting it.

So, what does Michael do? He looks at me yesterday and says ' My name is Michael Paul."

talk about wanting to ball like a newborn? I do/did.

In the four months that I've been trying to get him to say this, it finally clicked.

Dennis has been working with him too.

Michael doesn't call Cars vroom vrooms anymore, they are " Tars" (C's have the T sound with him).

Michael doesn't call Hunter my brover anymore, it's Sunter Dean (close enough for now).

Michael has came along way, and I have to believe it's my hardwork finally paying off.

So yeah, I am one proud mama right now. My baby is starting to show signs that he can actually understand what I am trying to teach him. It's hardwork, but this boy is well worth it, every bit.

Now What?

Monday, March 29, 2010 at 3:39pm | Edit Note | Delete
I just got a call I've been wanting to happen, but at the same time I didn't.

My regular OB called me and told me, as gently as possible, that after all the bloodwork, testing,etc he had done, that I did in fact have a pregnancy. Had I asked him. He went on to inform me that I had been pregnant, not in my tubes, but in the uterus, but the baby had somehow decided to drop out (his wording) and passed away a few days before my last HCG test. We talked in detail about what I had been doing, how much stress I was under, the whole nine. Things that could have led to a miscarriage.

Let's see, I just moved back from NY, My mother had a heart attack, I was losing my house, trying to care for 2 kids, and trying to sort through everything my dad/Mike had left behind. Yeah, I'd say stress was a major factor of life for me.

He went on to tell me that although I had lost her (yes the testing showed a girl), if I wanted to try (um yeah not happening) again, it was not in my best interest( given my history). I am not in any hurry to go through this again.

I've sat here in a daze. I knew I lost the baby, I knew I was pregnant, but to find out that my surprise baby was in fact growing just fine, then God (or someone) decided to take her away from, well let's just say I am not the happiest camper right now. I am mad, I am upset, I am hurt, I am confused, but most of all I am thankful. Yes, thankful. Thankful I got to become pregnant, most women like me don't (tubal), and now I have to pick up and move forward, slowly as possible.

Dennis and I had started to pick out names, we did the registry thing, and all for nothing.

We had just started getting use to the fact that we were going to have another baby around, all for nothing.

We decided that after losing her (my doctor says about 3weeks ago), we are not going to test fate again. We have put our relationship on ice for a bit. We're to lost right now to know which way to go from here, let alone try and make life long plans.

The name we picked:

Allyn Elise(form of Elizabeth) O'Sullivan.

I am going to be honest, as sadden as I am about losing another child, I truly believe God knew what He was doing. He must've known Allyn was going to be " To precious for earth" and took her before there was anything we could do about it. I am not mad at God, I believe in His wisdom to know what I can/can not handle, and to possibly add another Special Needs child to my life right now, would be the last straw. I would've loved her nonetheless, but God must've known something we did not.

For now, I mourn. I cry, I wonder, I try to get my head wrapped around this, but the one thing I do not do is blame God or anyone else. It happens, and I just happen to be the one it happened to, this time.

I see pregnant women that were about as far along as I was when Allyn passed and I have to admit I'm sad, I see pregnant women that are as far along as I should be, I cry. I see pregnant women who don't know just how much I would give to be in their shoes, to feel the nausea, to feel the cramps, to feel the acid reflux, to see the u/s pictures, and yet they act like it's no big deal, it makes me sick, it ticks me off, it makes me want to jack slap them so hard their brains rattle, but I walk away.

Why did it take this long to find out?

Simple, my Ob went on Vacation. Yes, people he actually took 2 weeks of his own time to spend with his family. He deserves it, I know this first hand. I trust him, and I know he'd never tell me anything that wasn't at least half truthfull. He was there when I lost Branden, and he was there when Hunter was born. Both times, he held my hand when I couldn't decide what to do. The man is AWESOME! Do I hate him for making me wait? No, I thank him. YES I SAID THANK HIM!! I thank him for allowing me time to try and get out of my own head, and giving me time to try figure out what it is next..

Now I know. Now I can try and figure out what to do next.


The chapter of my life known as " Surprise baby" is now closed.

Thank you all for reading this, comments aren't required, as most of you won't know what to say, and I am okay with that. A simple "Like" is fine, at least I know you read it..

Walking a mile in my shoes right now is harder than ever.. But I'm trying my best to remain the strong willed woman God made me to be.

I believe/trust God and ONLY God knew why Allyn was taken from us.

I trust that He alone can answer all of my questions.

I believe that in His time, God will open my womb and place a child there. And not until He knows I am ready.

It is in Him I put my life/trust/love right now. It is Him alone that can help me to heal, to mourn, to move on.

Time to start clean..

Easter Sunday 2010.

A day that I will not forget anytime soon.

Today marks the one Year anniversary of God calling my Dad back to Him.

Today marks almost the 16mth anniversary of Mike's funeral.

Today also marks the one anniversary alot of my friends never thought I'd see.

6 months in a relationship, that although we've had our fairshare of bumps along the way, we've been closer than ever these past few weeks.

In six months, I have grown in ways I'd never thought possible.

I am more self aware. I am more aware of who I really am, I am aware of who I want to be, I am aware that I am not always perfect (that one kind of slipped my mind), I am aware that although I need to take care of the boys, I need to take care of me too, in order to be a mom to them.

I am more willing to try new things. Modeling has always been something I was interested in, but due to a few facial "issues", I never thought possible, without surgery. I am now with someone who brings out my beauty, flaws and all. And I love it!!

After the loss of Allyn, I disconnected myself from Dennis.

I felt guilty, I felt like I did something to cause the loss. I thought he hated me.

I was wrong. In fact, he loves me more now, than ever.

Losing a child will make or break most relationships.

It made ours stronger. It made us stronger, it brought us back to square one, and we're happy to be together, better, stronger, more apt to listen to each other more.

I will admit I am a "My way or no way" kind of woman. I have always gotten what I want, no matter whether or not it was what I needed.

But now, I am becoming more aware of that hasn't really done me any good. I am learning how to talk about my problems more, and learning how to open up, ever so slowly, to the fact that he's not going anywhere, if he was, he'd been gone long before now.

Why won't I ever forget today?

Because it opened my eyes to just how far I've came in the past few months.

I've had a heck of a year, I've had a long journey placed in front of me, and no matter what I keep on going, head on into this thing called life, not alone, just not with my Spouse there by my side.

I have had to learn how to be both mommy and daddy to two little boys who have no clue what this thing called life is about, I had to become their loving mom while being "the bad guy" from time to time.

I have had to learn how to balance everything (including Grocery shopping) without giving myself a Heartattack (which I've had 2 of this past year alone).

I have had to learn that that saying " A little dirt never hurt." is in fact the truth (boys seem to attract it like velcro for some reason..)..

I have had to learn that boys are going to fall, they are going to get scrapes, and all I can do is kiss their boo boo and let them know "It'll be okay" and hold them while they scream bloody murder (and not fall to pieces myself).

I have had to learn how to hold my head up high, knowing I have the hardest job one person could ever have, and unless people have walked a block in my shoes, they haven't the right to judge me. Most people put in my shoes, would run like heck, but not me, I've stuck it out, I have had no other choice. My boys need me, and I need them. We are all we have, and I will not allow anyone or anything to ever change that.

I have had to learn that some people just aren't worth having in your life, and it's best to let them live their lives, and we live ours. I have lost more friends in the past year than I can count, and to be honest, it don't bother me a bit. They were just passer bys on this thing called " Lifes highway" and sooner or later, we'll meet up again, I know this to be true.. I've seen it many times over and over again.

I have had to learn how to balance "Mommy" and " Latosha" all in the same person, who would have thought it was possible to have so many "Titles" all wrapped up into a 5'2" frame?? Not I..

I don't really see the good things I've done, but it helps to know I've done something write, something that made someone else realize just how good they have it, just how blessed they are to have the people they have in their lives, to be where they are in life, and I am glad I can do all of those things, and much more. It's my call in life, to help people, no matter how I do it, I am here to do it..

I seen my mother for the first time since we've been back the other day. I spent Good Friday (night) with her. Yes, I went to our usual hangout, but I had a blast. It was the first time in a while I just had a good time, allowed myself to laugh, to cry, to remember the person I use to be and who I am now. Let me tell you, I've came aloooooooooong way baby!! She is my mother, no matter whether we see eye to eye (which isn't common), whether or not I agree with the way raised me (I'm still alive aren't I?), she gave me life, she gave me what she could and she did the best she could.

I am starting clean. I have buried the person I use to be, the person I didn't care for very much, and I have brought back to life the person I know I can be, slowly.. It'll be a little while before I am totally back to that person I once was (it's a good thing, don't worry), but I know I can do it. Look at what I've overcame these past 15mths!!! If I can overcome the deaths of my husband & my dad (in 4mths span), I can overcome anything/become anyone I want to be! I'm one determined woman, that's for sure.

So, I will be posting more notes about this new journey into self awareness. Just how far I will get, only God knows, but I know it'll be an interesting journey, when have you ever known my life to be boring??!?! I mean really, this is me..lol

I love my boys, I love my true/real friends, and I am one blessed/lucky lady.

Day 1 of the new start.

I woke up this morning and for the first time in a long while, I took sometime for me. To shower, to brush my teeth, to brush my hair, to do my makeup, to do whatever I felt would make me feel better about myself. I took care of the boys first, but I still got time to myself. It felt awesome. To be able to sit in my room and just drink coffee while the boys played in their room, or watched Cartoons,it was an awesome feeling to know that I am starting to take care of me and them, without having a panic attack.

I sit here typing this and I think "why didn't I do this earlier?" To be honest, it was because I thought I had to live my life according to someone else's standards. To live my life to fit someone else's expectations of me, and that is why I ended up in the ER twice in a span of 2 weeks for Heart related issues.

I have also started the job of cleaning out my friends lists on Facebook. I don't really stay in touch with some of them, I just figured since we had something in common, I'd add them. That has came back to bite me in the rump. I don't get the updates I want to see, and all I seem to get are a few (about 2 handfuls) of people who actually follow my life. So, starting this afternoon, I'm clearing out most of my friends, I have been putting it off, but I can't any longer.

I have also started doing my homework on having my Tubal reversed. Why? Because I was raised that to believe God was in control of the number of children we had, not some Medical Moron. I was forced into having it done, and have regretted it everyday for the past two years. I see people that have had babies they didn't want, babies that they'd never love, and they think they have the right to complain to me about "how hard it is", well DUH what'd you think it was going to be, EASY?!?! Not on your life.

I've started to wonder about some people. I have given birth 6 times in my life, I have lost a handful of babies, and yet people with 2 kids want to say they have a "Large Family." No, you have what Society calls the " American Family." 2 kids isn't "large" it's typical, it's not that mundane to have two children, you don't get looked at like you are out of your ever loving mind. I, on the other hand, get asked all the time " You do know what causes that, right?" Yes I do, a belief in GOD, maybe you should try it sometime, it'll do you some good, believe me.

I am not a religious freak. I don't walk around thinking I walk on water, but I do have a strong belief in God/Higher Power. I am living proof that Faith can make mole hills out of mountains, that living by pure faith can get you through the hardest of times, that Faith is not knowing, but believing.

I'm not perfect, I don't strive to be. I don't ever want to be. I want to live a simple life, loving my boys, loving myself, and living to better suit us, not the rest of the world. I am happy with the way my life is now, and I don't see my changing anything to suit everyone else, ever!

I'm a widow, and?!?!

I wrote this over five months ago. Remember I wasn't always a "single mom" it just happened to turn out this way.
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I have finally figured out how to put this into words. Know that this is nothing more than my opinion, nothing more. nothing is to be taken personally, it's my choice to put my business out there for ya'll to read, and I know that some won't understand why I choose to put it out there, if you know me, you know I have nothing to hide from anyone.

I remember the day, it was December 9th 2008. It was a cold but sunny Winter day in Michigan. I remember standing there thinking " Why me God!? WTF did I ever do to deserve this?" but knowing me, I kept this to myself. I smiled so no one would see the breakdown I was having on the inside. I put together the last 20 yrs of his life, I put together the past 4 years of our lives, I put together a CD of his all time favorite music, I put everything together, but inside I was falling apart. Nothing could've kept my mind straight that day.

People started to arrive. " I'm so sorry for your loss. If there's anything we can do, we will." 35 people said that, 35 people signed his book, his "boys" (slang for friends btw) showed up, his ex showed up, my family showed up, his family showed up. Then it happened, I saw the first picture of us together, and that tough bitch exterior came crumbling down like the Berlin Wall (just a little faster). I about dropped to my knees, I had to hold unto the casket to keep from falling. I put my arms around him, and said " Until we meet again baby." I looked at the face that I loved to see every morning. I then felt a hand on my shoulder " Tosh, Buddy's here." OH BTW Buddy NEVER went to FUNERALS!! I looked around and had to hold unto him like there was no one around. " Thank you Bud." He looked into my eyes and I'm sure he saw the fear in mine. Fear of being alone, Fear of not having Mike here anymore, Fear of what was to come. He looked at me and said something like " It's okay Tosh. Mike's better now. No more pain."

I remember that day for more than just one reason. It was the first day of my life Mike hadn't been there to keep my sanity straight. It was the first day of the rest of my life without him there to put a smile on my face. To make me laugh by making an ass out of himself, just for the hell of it. It was the first time in four years I had to know that "Goodbye" was the only word I could utter. It was the first day of my life that I felt like I'd never be complete again. It was the day I'd have to be " Single with children" and have to get use to the "looks" that came with people.

People treat you differently when they hear the word "Widow/er". They think it's like some type of disease or something. They avoid you, they avoid talking to you, they walk across the street to avoid you, they are as scared as you are, but they don't want you to know that. The looks are different too. The "looks" went from happy to "aww that poor soul".

Well, I am glad you feel so much pity, but I don't need it.


My husband died, yes, but my life is going on. I am going on, my children are well adjusted human beings, and no I don't have the PLAGUE!! I am a widow, I lost my husband, I lost the love of my life, but I didn't ask for this. I didn't wake up and ask God to take him. He decided it was best for Mike. He took him home to rest, to be with those before. This has showed me that I can in fact be a stronger person than most thought (including me).

So, when approaching a Widow/er, please don't treat us like we have a disorder. We're human, we're just one less partner than most people. Love will make us heal, words will hurt us (just like everyone else). Don't try and act like you have to avoid them "hard questions". If you don't know what to ask, don't. Just talk to us like you would every other human you come into contact with.